The one where I talk about abuse.

I've been trying to write this post for a while but when it comes time to sit down and do it, nothing sounds right.

My best friend of almost 16 years is dating an abusive man. I've told her, others have told her, she has admitted that she knows he is. She says she's confused and doesn't know what to do. No matter how many times I tell her that he's just going to escalate, she can't let go. She admits that she's happier without him but she still can't let go.

I've been in her shoes. I was with a man for three years, had a child with him, and the whole time he abused me. He talked down to me, he slammed me up against walls, pulled my hair, threatened to take our child away. He forced me to do sexual things that I begged him not to. I've felt that helplessness, looked in the mirror and told myself I had to get away but in the end I always went back.

So maybe that's why I get so angry when I see her ignoring the hurt he's putting her through. When she shows me a bruise and doesn't seem to think it's an immediate GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE. Maybe that's why I bring it up every time we talk. I know she's going to get tired of me talking about it but I don't know what else to do.

I pray for her, for her son. I've tried to be mean about it. I told her I didn't want to go to her funeral and watch her son crying because some sad, insecure little man couldn't put the stupid bottle down and treat her with respect.

I try so hard all the time to make her see that no matter what he may say; it's his actions that show how he really feels. You can't wrap your hands around the neck of someone you love and throw them into a dresser. In front of your child (his not her's).

I'm so frustrated because I KNOW that no one can save her but herself but what happens if she doesn't realize it until it's too late? What if she doesn't want to be saved? She has to want to get away from it before I can convince her that she should. I want to cry every time I even think about what he could do to her.

Now I know how everyone felt when they saw what was going on with me. How helpless they felt when I defended him. How even an intelligent woman like me can make themselves look like a blind fool. How angry they got when they saw how much he hurt me.

For now, I just try to tell her I love her everyday and that she is always welcome in my home. That she is an amazing, strong woman and she deserves a strong man who will treat her the way she deserves. I feel like there is so much more that I should do but, what? How do you break down that wall?

She was always such a huge personality. So outgoing, never took crap from anyone. Always full of laughter and jokes. So mischievous and full of life. I don't want to see him kill that spark inside of her.

I don't know how to end this post. To be continued seems a little...trite and I have no zingy one liners. (Are they even allowed in posts such as this one?) but if anyone reading this has ever been in her position, what helped you? What was the straw that broke the camel's back? What was your 'moment' when you realized that you just did NOT have to take it anymore?

Tweet, email, comments. Anything. Send them through. I'm all ears (and eyes).


(Originally posted at an earlier date)

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